By Dr. Amy Cooper, Sexual Enrichment Coach


Just like anything in life, being “good” at sex takes practice, and practice takes commitment and dedication. This is perhaps the single most important secret to discovering and maintaining a soulful sex life. As a sexual enrichment coach, I have witnessed many people’s sex lives vastly improved by the implementation of some variation of the five practices described below. Whether done alone or with a partner, these practices are sure to enrich not only your experience of sex, but also, the very fabric of your life. So, when you are ready, here are five secrets, that when practiced regularly, can open you up to a whole new world of soulful, sensual, playful and erotic discovery.


1)    Create Sacred Space.  Set aside a regular time to meet, and then honor that time. Take turns setting up the physical space, bringing in elements that are special to you, including music, flowers, candles, massage oil, and nicely textured or decorated fabrics. Make sure the space is clean and free of clutter. Arrange for childcare and kick the pets out of the room, if necessary. Turn off phone ringers. 


2)    Self Reflect and Soul Share.  Once the space is created, allow yourselves to “drop in” and just see what’s up for you. Notice what feels important in your life at this time. Then take turns sharing soulfully and listening compassionately to one another’s feelings, including any fears, doubts, or concerns, as well as hopes, dreams, and visions.


3)    Enter Your Pleasure Body.  After soul sharing, find a way to bring your awareness into your body and the pleasures that lie in store for you there. Explore delicious stretching, allowing fluid organic movements. Rotate anything that can be rotated in your body. Breathe deeply, allowing your chest to open and expand. Stay as present as you can with any pleasurable sensations that arise, continually bringing your awareness there. Then, take turns touching one another, from feather-light caressing to deep kneading massage. As the giver, give freely of yourself and be open to feedback. As the receiver, surrender to receiving, and gently communicate any necessary modifications to the touch. Once your bodies are fully present…


4)    Practice Good Sexual Technique. Of course, everyone has his or her own preferences and notions of what good technique is, but there are some basic principles that are pretty much universal for being a technically gifted lover. One, be present in the moment and eager to please your lover. Two, be curious and willing to explore and try different things, at different times, allowing for variety. Three, watch carefully and ask for feedback. Four, respond to feedback lovingly and bravely, making necessary adjustments. And five, take mental notes of what seemed to work and what didn’t, and occasionally reflect upon it, or even talk about it, while not engaging in sex.


5)    Keep a Sense of Humor.  Remember to keep a light-hearted tone. Don’t expect perfection. Doing the “animal thing” can seem very curious to the human part of us. Try not to take it too seriously. When confronted with awkwardness, failed attempts, embarrassing situations, just remember, you are human, which means you are a student of life. You are allowed to make mistakes, and fail, and still love yourself, and laugh about it all!